Emma Claire Despain is here! (Birth Story)

Emma Claire was born Thursday, June 21st at 7:11am. She weighed 7lb 7oz and measured 19 1/2 inches long.

Here is the long and detailed story... Wednesday, June 22nd I went to the doctor for my routine 38 week appointment that morning and I measured small. The doctor said Emma was probably just in a weird position so I was measuring small and that everything was probably fine but that we should do an ultrasound just to make sure. So I had an ultrasound that evening at 4:30. Brandon met Josh and I there. After the ultrasound the doctor came in and said that my amniotic fluid level was low. During third trimester normal measurement of fluid should be between 5 and 25 cm and I measured at a 2 which is really low. So the doctor said that everything is fine but having a low fluid level puts you at a high risk for something to happen and she'd like to induce me that night. We were in shock. I said to the doctor, "I have a hair appointment in an hour!" I just wasn't expecting this news. Anyway so the doctor said to go home and pack our bags and find someone to watch Josh and meet us at the hospital later that night. The second we walked out of the office I started bawling. I wasn't mentally prepared to have the baby and I was scared that something might be wrong or might happen. I just needed to cry for a minute :). Then I called my best friend Rachel to told her what was going on and she said of course we could bring Josh over to stay with them. So we went home and I went to my hair appointment (I was going to cancel it but realized if I didn't go then who knows the next time I'd go!) while Brandon got Josh's backpack packed with clothes, pjs, etc. and packed his bag. Then I came home and hurried and packed my bag and we dropped Josh off and got to the hospital around 8:30 or 9 that night.

They hooked me up to a fetal monitor to check Emma's heart rate and make sure the blood flow from the placenta to her was good and everything was perfect. After a few hours of that, around 11pm the doctor came in and explained the whole induction process and I said that my biggest fear of being induced is that I wouldn't get an epidural and I really wanted an epidural. She said I could definitely have an epidural but she didn't want to give me one until I was further dialated and making good progress because an epidural slows down labor and if I got one too soon then I'd have a really long labor which wouldn't be good. So she said she'd keep a close eye and make sure I got the epidural when I wanted it. Then she inserted a half pill of Cytotec to start the induction process. She said to try to get some sleep. It wasn't late enough for me to be tired enough to sleep with everything that was going through my brain. Brandon fell asleep pretty quickly. I tried but just couldn't. I was still feeling scared with what would happen with labor and delivery and mostly I was feeling extremely emotional about the reality of having another child and how this would change our lives. I felt the most emotional when I thought about Josh and how he would no longer be my only baby and life wouldn't just be "me and Josh" anymore and I'd have to split my attention between 2 kids. Anyway I eventually fell asleep and woke up a little after 2:30am starting to feel some contractions. I tried to sleep on and off.

Around 3:30am the doctor came to check me and said I was dialated to a 3. Contractions continued to progress and they seemed to be progressing quickly to me. Around 4:30 I started walking around the room to help take my mind off it. Contractions at that point were probably around 7 minutes apart and very uncomfortable. Around 5 we walked up and down the hallway and the contractions were really painful. I'd have to stop and hold onto the wall and brace myself at each contraction. They were about 5 minutes apart. I tried to be tough but really I was thinking that this was worse than how I felt when I was ready for my epidural with Josh so I decided I was ready for the epidural now. Around 5:30 we went back to the room because I couldn't take the pain anymore and asked the nurse if she could get the doctor because I wanted the epidural asap, like now.  She said that since I was only at a 3 when the doctor last checked me that I should wait longer if I could but I said I wanted it now and that I at least wanted the doctor to come check me. About 10 minutes after she left I buzzed the nurse wondering where she was and what was going on. A different nurse came in and I said I needed my epidural now and she said something about needing to find the doctor or the anesthesiologist or something. I was in so much pain and needed a change of scenery so I asked, "Well can I take a bath while I'm waiting for the doctor?" so she started the bath and I was just delirious with pain and getting really frustrated with having to wait so long. It took probably 15 minutes for the bath to be ready so it was probably almost 6:15am when I got in the bath. My contractions were horrific and about 2-3 minutes apart. I kept telling the nurse over and over that I needed my epidural now and to please find the doctor. I seriously don't know what was going on. Everytime I said anything the nurses just said, "I know, honey, you're doing great" with a pat on the back. I wanted to yell, "I'm not WANTING to do this without an epidural!!! I don't want a pep talk or a pat on the back. I don't need you to be a cheerleader. I don't want to be toughing this out. I don't want to go through this. I WANT AN EPIDURAL!!! I want drugs to stop the pain!!!" The bath slightly distracted me and it slightly relaxed my body in between contractions. The whole time I was in the bath I was yelling the same things over and over, "I'm seriously going to throw up at the next contraction. I really will throw up. I can't do this anymore. Where is the doctor?!?!! I need my epidural now!!!" I have no idea why the nurse just stood there rubbing my back. I was furious.

Around 6:30 (probably) I said to Brandon, "I need you to help me find the doctor. Why won't they get the doctor??!! I need my epidural. Please help me get the doctor." So Brandon said something to the nurse. She said something about the doctor doing a c-section so they were trying to find another doctor and the anesthesiologist was on their way in or something. I was shaking so bad at this point and said, "I need my epidural now. I can't do this anymore. It hurts so bad. Please." She said, "Would you like me to give you some Fentanyl to help take some of the edge off?" In my head I'm like, "Yes!! Why haven't you given this to me sooner????!!!" But my actual reaction was angry zombie, "Yes. Please." It didn't really do much at this point. I was in such a horrific state that I vaguely remember it making me feel a little loopy and maybe taking a slight edge off the pain. It was probably 6:45am by now. After a few minutes it starting hurting so bad I had to get out of the tub. Something in me started to panic. I was shaking uncontrollably and kept threatening to throw up. I really wanted to die. My body was starting to panic that there was nothing I could do, no position I could get in, no mental place I could go to to stop the horrific agony happening non-stop at this point. Two seconds after a contraction would end a new one would begin. As much as I felt like crying up to this point I didn't have the energy to. Now it hurt so bad I couldn't stop crying though I didn't have the energy to cry very hard, more like pathetic quiet whimpering. Then I remember I took a few steps and all of a sudden had a sensation that felt like Emma's head moved down into my pelvis and it felt like it was coming out. It hurt so incredibly bad. I yelled, "WHERE IS THE DOCTOR??? IT HURTS SOOOO BAD!!!" And the nurse just rubbed my back and said, "I know sweetie. I know." I wanted to punch her in the face. I was so frustrated that no one was doing anything!!! I said, "No this is a new pain. I think the baby is coming out. Please get the doctor. The baby is coming out!! It hurts so bad!! The baby is coming out!" and then the doctor walked in.

Crying, I said, "I need my epidural now. I need my epidural now. It hurts so bad. I think the baby is coming out. I need my epidural." The doctor said, "Ok I need to check you first before you can get your epidural." I said, "No I just need my epidural." He said, "Amy, I need to check you first. You need to lie down." The last thing in the world I wanted to do was lie down and get checked. It hurt so bad. The doctor suddenly yelled, "She's at a 10 and +2. We're having this baby right now!" (Plus 2 means how far down the baby's head is. It ranges from -3 which is far up in the birth canal still to +3 where the baby's head can be seen at birth. Usually women start pushing at 0 or +1.) All of a sudden a million nurses and another doctor appear in the room all in a frenzy. I'm thinking to myself, "Where have all of you BEEN this whole time?????!!!!" I started having a panic attack. I (still crying) started yelling, "No no no no no!!! I'm not having this baby right now. I need my epidural. I can't do this. I can't do this. No no no no no. I need my epidural. I was supposed to get an epidural! I was supposed to get an epidural!! I'm so mad right now. I'm so mad!!!" The doctor said, "The baby is coming out right now. It will all be over in just a few minutes." And I just kept saying, "No it hurts too bad. I can't do it. I can't have a baby without an epidural!" I was totally freaking out. The doctor was calm and said, "Amy you can do this. You are having this baby right now. It will all be over in just a few minutes. You can do this." And somehow that got me to focus enough to stop panicking and just use every last ounce of energy I had left to push her out so it would all be over. I was so scared that it would hurt so bad without an epidural. At this point I was scared more than in pain but the urge to push came over me and all my body wanted to do was push even though I was scared to death to push. My body took over and pushed. The nurses, extra doctor and Brandon were all holding my arms and hands and telling me I could do it and to push and that in just a few pushes she would be out. So I pushed for probably less than 10 minutes and she was out. After it was over, I mostly remember feeling extremely exhausted. And then also really really proud of myself for delivering Emma without an epidural :).


They laid Emma on me and I was so happy. Happy she was perfect. Happy it was over. Just really really happy. I was feelin good. Emma was very alert and nursed right away which was really different from Josh. Josh was so sleepy after he was born. He wouldn't stay awake. He was asleep most of the time we were in the hospital. Emma was more alert. After we got to the recovery room, I was starving and scarfed down a meal. Emma was a great eater and sleeper so we were able to get some rest. That day was spent resting. I was in pain, tired, and starving. I also just enjoyed Emma and just stared at her and let her sleep on me all day while I tried to sleep here and there too.

That evening Brandon went to get Josh to come meet Emma. It was so wonderful to see him. I saw him in a new light. He seemed ginormous and old and I just wanted to squeeze him and never let go. Josh was so excited to be in a new place that we had to point out that Emma was there. Once he saw her he wanted to hold her.  He was great with Emma. He was sweet and gentle and wanted to hold her and kiss her. He touched her hair a lot and said it was soft. It was so sweet. He hugged her and nuzzled her. Then after a few minutes of that he wanted to get down and play around. Rachel stopped by to see Emma and bring me pacifiers since I didn't have any (since Josh didn't use a pacifier). Then at Josh's bedtime Brandon took Josh back to Rachel's house and put him to bed. That first night in the hospital was a little rough. Emma didn't sleep a ton and when she was awake she was fussy. She took the pacifier sometimes but just wasn't happy. When she ate, we didn't have the problem of her being too sleepy; she was a ferocious little eater; and her latch was good, but not awesome, it was hurting me a little, so the nurses helped me through the night training Emma to learn a better latch and I was also relearning the whole nursing thing. Brandon slept through most of it :).

The next day in the afternoon Brandon took Josh home to take his nap at home and get dinner together and then came to visit me and then Brandon and Josh both slept that night at home. That night was emotional for me being alone. Being alone left me to my thoughts and I was feeling overwhelmed and tired. I called my mom and talked to her for a really long time and that really helped. I was able to get some rest that night but I remember thinking that night that every single time I got Emma to sleep and was in a position to sleep myself the nurse would come in and turn on the light and take my blood pressure or something. I love the nurses but the timing just wasn't good :). Then by the time they left Emma would wake up. During the day I could let Emma sleep on me and I could sleep too but during the night the nurses want the baby in their crib and not in your bed with you. So that was a little frustrating :).

The next morning my friend Rachel came to the hospital to take pictures of me and Emma. Here is a sneak peek picture of the amazing pictures Rachel took. She will be posting all of them on her website soon. I'm so incredibly grateful that she took these pictures.

Then Brandon and Josh came around lunchtime and we left the hospital. I was more ready to leave the hospital this time than I was with Josh. I was ready to go and get settled at home.