Rough week

Writing this post is going to give me anxiety to re-live this horrible week but I have to document it. So last Friday night Brandon had to work so I did movie night with the kids. After dinner Josh said his tummy felt sick. He seemed okay since he ate popcorn but again before bed he said his tummy hurt. I told him he was fine and probably just needed to go to the bathroom. Well around 10:45 I was up in my bedroom nursing Jack and Josh came into my room and said he just threw up in his bed. I told him to go into my bathroom and stay there until Dad came home (Brandon was driving home luckily). I was still nursing Jack. I called Brandon to give him a heads up. He got home and cleaned everything up, he's the best. I get major anxiety with throw up bugs so my adrenaline really gets going and I have to sanitize the whole house. So I was up a couple of hours sanitizing the whole first level and anything I thought Josh might have touched that day. I knew I'd have a hard time sleeping from the anxiety, worrying if any one of us was going to throw up too, worrying if Josh would throw up again. Well sure enough around 1ish Josh came in our room again saying he'd thrown up again. Brandon got up and cleaned it up and slept with Josh that night. I didn't sleep well. The next day Josh seemed totally fine. I was a stressed out wreck trying to keep his germs contained and watching him like a hawk wondering if he'd throw up any moment. It was a rough day. I didn't sleep well that night again wondering if someone else would wake up in the night sick. We all stayed home from church the next day and I was still on the anxious look out for signs from anyone else getting sick. The amount of cleaning and sanitizing (and worrying) I did was way too much for someone who has a 3-week-old baby...

Sunday night I noticed some pains in my right breast and Monday morning I woke up feeling really achey and still experiencing some pains. I had a plugged milk duct (most likely caused from the anxiety, stress, and lack of sleep). I never got a fever but felt feverish aches for the next couple days and it hurt when I nursed Jack. I used a heating pad in the evenings and by Wednesday night I was feeling better. And by this point was pretty sure no one else would catch the stomach bug Josh had (if it WAS a bug, who knows for sure, could've been something he ate.)

Thursday I was feeling stressed because we only had a couple days to get organized, packed, and ready for our trip out to Utah for my sister's wedding. Well a little before dinnertime and before Brandon had come home from work Emma threw up on the kitchen floor. She was in totally good spirits before and it really caught me off guard. She threw up like 5 more times. Luckily I had just put Jack down before it happened and was in a position to clean it up and deal with it. But the anxiety came right back and I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I couldn't believe this was happening. She ended up throwing up a few more times over the course of the evening. Then her and I (and Jack) had diarrhea for the next week, Brandon and Josh were spared. I'm already a bit of a germaphobe, then even more so since I had a newborn, so this really made me really obsessive about washing my hands or using hand sanitizer ALL.THE.TIME.

Thursday night was so bad for me, so much anxiety and stress. Brandon, the amazing man he is, slept in the hall and told me to lock my bedroom door behind me so he could bypass any sick child and everyone would leave me alone and I wouldn't worry about someone coming into our room. Friday morning as I was nursing Jack alone in my bedroom I had this overwhelming depressed apathetic feeling come over me. I wanted to run away and not be responsible for anyone for just a minute. I wanted everyone to stay away from me and stay locked up in my room for days until I knew everyone was healthy but I also didn't want to be alone. I couldn't handle what I was feeling and needed to talk to someone and feel like someone understood and like I wasn't alone in what was happening. So I forced myself to go downstairs and just being with Brandon helped me feel like I wasn't alone and feel a little better. That afternoon I told Brandon I needed him to take ALL the kids out of the house and let me get some things done without the stress of taking care of anyone. I needed a break. Even though I didn't feel physically great and was exhausted, I knew we were leaving the next day to go to Utah and we HAD to get packed so I did some packing and made good progress. I felt a lot better when they came back.

The next morning (Saturday) we miraculously finished up packing and even cleaned the house before we left. I prayed harder than I've ever prayed before that no one would throw up, that I would keep my sanity, and that our traveling would go as well as it could go. I knew that if anything else horrible happened I might collapse into darkness, I was that close to the edge.

(just arriving at the Richmond airport, our travels were just beginning)

Well though traveling was hard and had it's moments, and we went through a lot of the extra outfits we brought from diarrhea accidents, I noticed so many tender mercies and miracles and blessings that helped make the day go the best it could go under the circumstances. The timing of when I'd need to feed Jack always worked out to be a good time. That can be stressful because when you have to board the plane, you have to board the plane. Or when you have to walk through the airport to get to your gate by a certain time you have to go. But the timing worked out that I could feed Jack when it was a good time. That was huge. Also, On our 2nd flight which was really late (after ALL of our bedtimes) we miraculously ended up with 6 seats so Brandon and Emma were on one side with 3 seats and Josh, Jack, and I were across the aisle with 3 seats. So when the kids went to sleep they could put their legs up and lay down. It was just such a miracle to have that space to ourselves. Jack was a champ and just ate and slept the whole day. Emma was a little sad I think from still feeling sick but Josh was such a great helper and in such a good mood. I had zero appetite but had to eat some calories and tried to drink water so I could maintain my milk supply.

When we landed in SLC our luggage came right away (which is not typical for the SLC airport). Brandon went and got the rental car by himself so I stayed with all the kids, nursed Jack, and a nice lady working at the airport helped me out to the street with our stuff to load up the rental car. We drove to Brandon's sisters house in Midway, got there around midnight which felt like 2am to us. The kids were so excited to be there they took forever to go to sleep and woke up at 4am Utah time (which felt like 6am to them). So none of us got much sleep that night. But we made it and had a big busy week ahead of us to gear up for.

I think having a 3-week-old is hard enough. Having a 3-week-old plus 2 other kids is hard. It was my first week on my own with Brandon back to work full-time. To be under the weather myself is really hard to add to that. And then to have 2 kids get a vomit sickness in one week when I have vomit phobia on top of all that was just too much for me. I'm totally traumatized from it, the anxiety I experienced is going to take awhile to recover from. And THEN having our big trip to Utah on my mind to get ready for/pack for and mentally gear up for was adding to everything else. But Brandon is AMAZING and took on soooo much to help take away the burden. His easygoing personality and positive attitude kept me sane and kept me going. I'm so lucky to have such a strong, able, happy, positive hard-working, helpful, hands-on husband. And even with everything going on, all my kids were also pretty cheerful and I couldn't've asked for much more from them under the circumstances.